meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
