I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
