just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
