I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
