can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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