im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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