so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
