The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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