i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
