Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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