my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
