Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
