true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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