I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
