Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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