Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This baby is an asshole
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
