It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
