she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have aggressive nipples.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
