Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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