she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
