The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
