dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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