A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
