I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
