i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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