my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
