Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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