When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
