Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
