Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
