ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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