Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
