cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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