it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
