She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my poor anus
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
