so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
