I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
