so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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