You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
