I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
