I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
