shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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