I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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