i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
