Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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