I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
