Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
