New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
