I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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