if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
